Thrillography Goes to Alton Towers: My Smashing ACE UK Tour Trip Report - Part IV

The time has come. 

Today we are not coaster enthusiasts. Today we are not tourists.

Today we are warriors. 

Our battlefield? Alton Towers, Staffordshire, Birmingham, England. 

Our challenger? Great Britain's greatest modern roller coaster collection.

Our war? OBTAIN ALL CREDITS. TAKE NO PRISONERS.

These are our barracks.

This is our army.

This is our moral support. 

TROOPS. WE HAVE LANDED. GO! GO! GO!

Alton Towers of course is immediately, arrestingly beautiful. It's the flagship resort of Merlin Entertainment, the second largest theme park chain behind Disney. Unlike at Disney's flagship resort, however, the castle at Merlin's flagship is real.

The Towers themselves are enough to make even the most traveled history buff blush. Constructed of various components dating back to 17th and 19th centuries, Alton Towers began its life as a regional destination in the 1890s, and officially established as a theme park in 1980. 

We're attacking on the left front for now. Our biggest enemies lie in wait.

Alton Towers's numerous cheery environs include Mutiny Bay, Gloomy Wood, Forbidden Valley, Dark Forest, and X-Sector.

(Just a bucket of joy, this place) 

And Katanga Junction: an African jungle of thrills!

A lovingly entwined Intamin rapids ride and Mack mine train cover much of Katanga Junction's lush landscape.

There's no time for a ride on the river now! We're on a mission!

Trudging through the jungle will give way to wood; the Gloomy Wood, that is.

"Duel – The Haunted House Strikes Back" dominates the Gloomy Wood. You could even say that the wood is merely the Haunted House's back garden. No time to stop and smell the roses; we must press on.

We are here. The alien beast is waiting for us.

The time is now! Our hour of battle hath arriv'd!

Thrillseekers have traveled far and wide to tackle Nemesis, the B&M invert upon which all other B&M inverts are judged!

Built in a large crater (over 100ft deep in some places), Nemesis quickly garnered a reputation for its sensational terrain-play, tremendous g-forces, and great pacing.

The crater was no mere design fancy, but rather, a design necessity; almost as famous as the ride itself is the local government's strict policy against anything that stands above Staffordshire's treeline.

Nemesis became the first of many stunning custom roller coasters for Alton Towers, all of which stand no more than 60ft above any given midway.

While a restriction of this nature leads to more costly coasters, it also leads to roller coasters of impeccable design quality. 

Very, very few parks would chose to excavate a colossal hole in which to build a massive coaster, but by being forced to do so, Alton Towers built one of the most popular and successful roller coasters of the 90s. 

Bits of track pop in and out of the ground at such narrow clearances that it's hard to believe a train somehow fits through. 

It was everything we'd hoped for. The visuals and forces put Nemesis in a league of its own. 

(also, as you can see, the ride is now twenty-one years of age! It can come back to America and legally get wasted)

Next door is Ripsaw, a rather sharp Huss Top Spin designed to destroy the alien beast.

It didn't work. 

Nearby is Nemesis's fraternal "good" twin, Air.

While Nemesis essays ripping you to shreds, Air would like gently coerce you with its subtle might.

Most B&M flyers aim to impress by popping blood vessels in your face (I'm looking at you, Tatsu). Air, on the other hand, relies on substantial flight time and more of that sweet, sweet terrain play to win the hearts of riders.

No, that's not part of Nemesis; this is all Air!

While not as dramatic as Nemesis, Air offers an exceptional experience that's equally extraordinary. The horizontal, sprawling nature of a flying coaster lends itself nicely to the needs of Alton Towers, requiring only a handful of tunnel excavations to make the design kosher for local authorities.

The excavations that were made for Air, however, are quite something; the ride's futuristic station plugs into the side of Forbidden Valley's rolling hills, leading to a small opening from which the lift hill extends.

Many ACErs weary from the various Six Flags Superman coasters and their simple layouts where delighted by Alton Towers's decidedly different approach to the concept.

Together, Air and Nemesis make the ultimate Jekyll and Hyde pairing; the tremendous contrast between the two coasters amplifies their unique qualities. 

We'll be back for more Forbidden Valley action later.

Now it's time to take flight over Alton Towers!

Below us are the Tower Gardens, a seemingly endless expanse of British botanical devotion. Like the Towers, the gardens and their immediate surrounding area are untouched by theme park rides.

 The Sky Ride provides a great opportunity to enjoy the gardens without having to hike through them. In the Alton Towers scenario of Roller Coaster Tycoon, peeps constantly get lost in the winding walkways of the gardens, and I'm sure we'd be no different. 

Look alive, troops! We're about to make landfall!

"There's some kind of possessed roadster going ballistic in the field. Over."

"Copy that. Set target on that operation before it suffers a mechanical failure. Over."

Watch your back, folks! We're in the Dark Forest now, a.k.a. "Intamin Forest."

You gotta work fast in the Dark Forest; you never know when one of its marquee monsters will cease operation for reasons unknown. 

(On a separate note, the queue is pretty alarming in places) 

The conversation was literally "let's get our rides on Thirteen and Rita before they break down." Successfully dispatching from the former's enchantingly sinister station and taking a swift ride through the Dark Forest turned out to be a breeze.

And then this happened. For those who are familiar with Thirteen, you'll notice that this is the ride's "special room." We sat in the "special room" for about ten minutes waiting for something to happen. 

After about ten minutes the lights came on and a maintenance worker named Paul came in to cheerfully inform us that Thirteen was experiencing an extended technical delay. More members of Alton Towers's maintenance department filled the "special room" while Paul entertained us (and gave me permission to take pictures).

We were informed that the maintenance team was doing everything to get the ride moving again, but that evacuation was a possible last resort. Here is the group of 7th grade girls with whom I sang Top 40 radio hits to pass the time. 

Much to my delight, we were ultimately evacuated from Thirteen. The maintenance crew was "over the moon" to hear that I was part of an American roller coaster tour and were tickled by how thrilled I was about getting evacuated from a ride. 

The crew was such good sports (Everyone say hi to Matt!). One of crew members said "You should write a blog and post these pictures there!" To which I responded "As a matter of fact, I do have a blog and I will do just that!" and then I handed them all Thrillography business cards. They thought it was a riot! :}

I thanked all of the employees profusely for letting me take behind-the-scenes photos of Thirteen during the evacuation. They said they were pleased to oblige and looked forward to reading my review of Alton Towers (which I assured them would be overwhelmingly positive). :}

Hey! It's Todd! he was stuck on the lift hill!

Mike is stuck too! 

Back in Thirteen's station, Todd, Mike, and I all filled out very positive incident forms for the people from PR (including my new friend Naomi, who is a Park Operations Assistant. Hey Naomi!)

 PR was also pleasantly surprised at how excited we were to get evacuated from Thirteen ("It's a coaster nerd thing" we told them), and were also happy to hear that I would be blogging about the experience. They also recieved Thrillography cards. :}

Shoutout to any other Alton Towers peeps reading this! You guys are wonderful!

After all of the Thirteen excitement, it was time for lunch!

Yes, it was just as good as it looks. :}

Thirteen was testing but still not quite ready for action. Determined to stay in the area and grab the other half of my Thirteen credit, I stuck around the area and rode Rita: Queen of Speed, a very pleasant Intamin Accelerator coaster.

Like Desert Race at Heide-Park, Rita doesn't really do a whole lot besides go fast, but I'm a sucker for launch coasters so that's perfectly fine. :}

ACErs and locals alike crowded around the entrance to Thirteen as it neared opening. Paul the maintenance guy was at the front helping us tell everyone who was responsible for breaking Thirteen (us). He leant us his Alton Towers hat and jacket for a very special photo in front of the sign. x}

Soon Thirteen re-oepend and all the ACErs rejoiced. :}

Well, most of us rejoiced. 

We finally got our full ride on Thirteen (which is an awesome ride, btw). This whole endeavor was certainly a highlight of the trip and makes for a great story. :}

Before we depart from the Dark Forest, let's take another spin on Rita (and of course we had to go back for another ride on Thirteen while it was still open).

I look slightly nervous because causing a mechanical failure on this Intamin might not be as pleasant as causing one on Thirteen. Kevin doesn't seem worried, though, and neither does that girl in the back. :}

I'm pleased to report that we survived. :}

Next door to Dark Forest is "Cloud Cuckoo Land," a considerably less dark area than most others in the park. One of its star attractions is none other than Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory!

In addition to being a great multi-modal attraction (including rides on both the famous chocolate river cruise AND the glass elevator), the Charlie and the Chocolate Factory ride features a pre-show with some of the greatest warning signs ever.

Right: getting in the boat slowly and carefully

Wrong: nosediving into the boat and causing it to capsize. 

Right: keeping your hands and arms inside the boat at all times.

Wrong: summoning a sea monster by touching the chocolate river. 

The clever dark ride seemed true to both the book and the various films.

You even get transported via Television! I think Dahl would be proud. 

Next up is another major multi-modal attraction, "Hex: The Legend of the Towers."

Hex is very special because it's built INSIDE THE ACTUAL TOWERS!

The pre- and post-ride portions of Hex are full museum quality. 

Can we talk about this stained glass for a sec?

I can't even.

Hex has the best smell. It's an intoxicating aroma of damp soil and cold stone as you pass through the corridors.

The core portion of Hex is an elaborate Vekoma Madhouse (built just outside of the Towers, but made to feel like it's inside).

For as many of these as I've ridden, I still find them highly enjoyable and love seeing how each park takes advantage of the concept.

Following the Madhouse, Hex deposits you into the heart of Alton Towers. 

All is quiet as you move about the stunning architecture. 

Everywhere you look there's something of interest. 

It's really neat walking around in a building that's older than the state of California. 

I'm no history buff (as I'm sure you know by now), but because this is Alton Towers, I was enraptured. It was a childhood dream come true. 

*swoon*

Here's where the castle connects back to the midway.

Facing toward the park's entrance there's nary a trace of theme park paraphernalia.

*__*

*______*

*_________________*

Ok troops, another immense battle lies ahead. But first...

We were going to have to talk about the elephant in the room sooner or later. 

Smiler has been closed now for about three months. At the time of this visit, the accident was still pretty fresh in everyone's minds. As of last month, investigations were complete and testing had begun. 

There's a lot of mixed opinions about whether or not the ride should open this year, next year, or ever. Popular opinions include moving the ride to a different park, re-themeing the ride, or perhaps going at it with pitch forks and torches. Whatever happens, I wish the best possible outcome for the park, and more importantly, the best possible outcome for the victims of the crash. 

As a huge Gerstlauer fan, I'll risk sounding selfish and say that I hated to miss out on the ride. On the other hand, I'm fortunate to say that I've ridden so many of Gerstlauer's greatest rides. I'm pleased to see that Gerstlauer's excellent status hasn't been tarnished (though the accident rests solely on Alton Towers's shoulders, there was a lot of concern for Gerstlauer's reputation).

Here's to Monster at Adventureland and Skyhawk at Canada's Wonderland in 2016!!

X-Sector's original villain is still terrorizing guests at Alton Towers.

Completing the park's B&M unholy trinity, Oblivion threatens to bring you past the point of no return and the swiftly erase you from all time and space. Look alive, team.

There is nothing in your world now; there is only Oblivion. 

*sigh*

Oblivion's only operating companion is Enterprise. "Submission," X-Sector's Chance Double Inverter was retired in 2013.

#faceyourerasure 

Oblivion is literally the most 90s roller coaster ever. Especially the amazing Euro-trash haus music. It's worth YouTubing for a listen, along with several of Alton Towers's other marquee ride soundtracks. 

I must commend the park's desire to run six 16-seat vehicles on a 1222ft ride, but frankly the crowds were a little light for that.

"For some things, there is no rational explanation. There is no way out. There is no happy ending to the story. Welcome to the unknown; welcome to eternal darkness; welcome…to Oblivion."

Gotta love the very fresh-looking Oblivion shop with tons of ride-specific merch. It probably has something to do with the brand new Oblivion coaster at Alton Towers's sister park in Italy, Gardaland.

Part of me wanted this obnoxious snow globe so bad, but a bigger part of me did not want to carry it around in my suitcase for two weeks. 

EXTERMINATE. EXTERMINATE.

Growing up, Oblivion was an obsession of mine.

There was nothing in the world cooler to six-year-old me than this ride. 

Even at seventeen years of age and well-outsized by later Dive Machines, Oblivion still commands attention and scares the living daylights out of me. 

This is my third Dive Machine, after fellow Merlin property Heide-Park's "Krake" and Janfusun Fancyworld's "Flying Submarine / G5 Dive Machine." Though the latter is a perfect mirror image of Oblivion, the ride experiences are completely different; while G5 dives over the side of a cliff into a small tunnel, Oblivion dives into a significantly larger tunnel that encloses 2/3rds of the 180 drop. 

Though only 60ft off the ground, Oblivion has the third-highest drop of any coaster in Great Britain. As you might imagine, Alton Towers blew a huge chunk of the ride's budget digging that 12-story tunnel.

Thanks to Oblivion's six operating trains, people were being cast into the pit ever 60 seconds or so. Certainly makes my job as a photographer easier. :}

Bye-bye!

Have you ever seen anything so sinister in your life? :}

In every train there was at least one teenage girl who was absolutely losing her sh*t.

I think I like G5 slightly better because of the view, but the crazy depth of Oblivion's tunnel is just amazing. Curious to ride the U.S. Dive Machines at some point to compare. 

I don't know how this thing ever runs seven trains, but apparently it can. 

"Ain't nobody Smiling today."

The last major coaster we come to is the only one that isn't completely surround by doom. it's Sonic Spinball!

I'm a fan of Maurer Söhne's cookie-cutter spinning coasters, but this massive custom version is outstanding! And you get to be a pinball. :}

I really think there ought to be more video game-themed coasters. 

Sonic has this great "Horseshoe Stall"element. Maurer spinners seem to be the most intense of the spinning coaster breed. 

Although you don't get any crazy-ass teacup drilling like you might on a Gerstlauer spinner. 

The ride attracts long lines even on quiet days, but thanks to the single rider line, its wasn't an issue. :}

The line was short at this point in the day, so we went through the main cue to play the little games. :}

Cameras will photograph you at every angle in hopes of capturing a decent onride photo of each car. 

Let's play "Find the Car." Can you find all three cars in the picture? :}

Originally opened as "Spinball Whizzer" in 2004, Sonic Spinball received its SEGA-fied makeover in 2010. Originally a 5-year contract, the cross-promotion was recently renewed through 2020. :}

Dat stall tho. 

The final frontier of Alton Towers is perhaps the most frightening: CBeebies Land!

See this blob? Nemesis is afraid of this blob.

Woo! No line for our last credit!

…and it breaks down as we're walking to the station.

This part of CBeebies Land used to connect through to Sonic Spinball, but the areas have since been sectioned off. Probably to help keep kids from wandering way. 

We've now completed the circle! Time to hit some of the rides we skipped while we were closing in on Forbidden Valley.

Back in Katanga Canyon for the last quasi-coaster in the park, Runaway Mine Train. Coaster or not, the ride has an excellent terrain layout. And you go twice! 

Now for some water ride action!

The massive rapids ride that wraps around Katanga Canyon with Runaway Mine Train did not disappoint. A scenic and lengthy ride indeed!

Speaking of lengthy water rides, Alton Towers's log flume might be the longest one I've ridden.

Did I say log flume? I meant bathtub flume. More on this awesomeness later. 

We dashed back to Cbeebies Land to get our ride on Octonauts Rollercoaster Adventure before dinner.

And we weren't the only ones! It's Michael! :D

Octonauts Rollercoaster Adventure action shot! 

<3 <3 <3

After a lovely plaque presentation, Alton Towers treated us to an hour and a half of BONUS FORBIDDEN VALLEY ERT, which will go down as one of the best ERTs ever. You couldn't ask for a better pair of coasters. 

The beast is always down for battle. 

Feast your eyes on the corkscrew that breaks the laws of space and matter.

Never has a park made such an effort to incorporate a roller coaster's track into the theme of the ride. Pure genius. 

Being in this part of the park during ERT was bewitching. The ride's incredible soundtrack rings cleanly without the chatter of other guests, and the only other sound is the roar of Nemesis. 

The park was kind enough to let us use the exit for Nemesis ERT, but also kept the main queue open for photo ops.

I'd first heard about this ride when I was five years old. Twenty years later, here I am going all nutty-photographer on the ride (and got eight total rides on it, too)!

Can we talk about the amazing tightness of this turn? Just an incredible element. 

The tour bus that's ass over tea kettle in the ditch near end of the ride is a nice touch. 

In addition to Nemesis, the ACErs are all enjoying some awesome Air time! :}

It's amazing what B&M does to track that translates into such a glassy smooth ride. 

I'm so pleased that the park hasn't needed to resort to nets or roofs for all of the areas of Air that are over the midway. It just wouldn't be the same. 

If this were America, you'd better believe there would be nets all over the place.

You could ask "how did Air happen in the Forbidden Valley? How could this peacful creature exist in this devastated land?"

Sometimes it's best not to ask questions and just enjoy. :}

*WOOSH!*

There is no crisper white than this piece of track.  The contrast of the colors around it really makes it pop.

With Air, there's not a lot of screaming or shouting; mostly lots of "WHOOAA!"

#flytolie

Man, this really was an ERT for the ages. That's a wrap!

Now to cross the grounds again and reconvene for dinner!

The final skirmish on this day of battles will be the line for food. 

POST ERT DINNER AND PIE!

Everyone is kicking back and reflecting on an amazing day at Alton Towers!

This morning we came as challengers; tonight we leave as victors! The great credit war was won handily! 

This is about as close as we get to a ride on Alton Towers's original thrill ride, Corkscrew, which has been reduced to a hood ornament of sorts. 

Thirteen replaced the aging Vekoma "Bayern Kurve Corkscrew." More than a fair trade if you ask me.  

Back at the hotel, we decided to take a peek at the Splash Landings Hotel water park. There was no time to go for a dip, but it sure looks nice!

It even has a Master Blaster!

Time for bed! Tomorrow we finish off Alton Towers with a few things we missed on Day 1, and a few more rides on Nemesis (obviously).

Good morning, fishies! Time to go toe-to-teo with Alton Towers again! 

But first, a visit to the incredible Alton Towers hotel.

Why Matt! What a big chair you have!

Our chariot.

Stamp of quality!

Team, we only have three hours to tie up any loose ends. ATTACK!

Never was there a more awesome monorail train than the Alton Towers jellybean express. 

We came straight here again. We're gluttons for punishment.

There's no getting enough of Nemesis! The sentiment was quite the same on the ride's semi-subterranian sibling, Black Mamba, at Germany's Phantasialand. 

There was much debate about which of the two kindred terrain inverts deserved the title of best B&M invert, but Nemesis's level of innovation for the time of its debut certainly gives it an edge.  

Nemesis would be a state-of-the-art coaster if it opened this year, let alone 20 years ago. Its strengths are timeless.

It's really the ride that has everything:

Intense speed,

amazing scenery,

wild transitions,

a vertical loop a the bottom of a ten-story crater,

and then there's the story!

 I mean, who doesn't love a good alien invasion narrative?

And the story doesn't end here!

Next door to Nemesis is an exciting new chapter in the Forbidden Valley saga: Nemesis Sub-Terra.

This is a highly secure government facility, but guests eager to learn about the Nemesis creature are invited to examine a "Nemesis egg" under a totally controlled environment. 

Oh. Yeah. This seems safe. There's a big, glowing alien egg in the middle of the room and I'm locked into my seat "for my own protection." What could possibly go wrong?

If alien egg study seems like a bad idea to you, there's always a rousing duel waiting for you inside Alton Towers's Haunted House!

Yes, back in the Gloomy Wood, it was time to see what all this Duel fuss was about. 

It starts out as a perfectly harmless (but visually enthralling) haunted house.

Things get progressively creepier as you move about the corridors. 

And then you come to a grand ball room in which ensorcelled vehicles equipped with guns kidnap guests and scramble them about the house! Your mission: fire away at the many ghoulish guises or perish!

After defeating Duel, we rewarded ourselves with a taste of liquid nitrogen ice cream! We got honeycomb toffee flavor, which was to die for. :}

We then wandered around Gloomy Wood to soak in all of the merriment.

Curious tombstones are scattered about the wood, many of which seemed to be enchanted.

Like Lightwater Valley, Alton Towers is full of inspiration for the original Roller Coaster Tycoon game. From integral inclusions like the B&M Dive Machine, to tiny details like the haunted-themed obelisks and stones not unlike these here, little bits of the game are everywhere.

I'm sure Alton Towers is also partially responsible for Roller Coaster Tycoon's wealth of unique trees and shrubs.

See the track snaking around in the background? That's the Flume! We're headed there next!

Time for an encore round on this magnificent flume!

OOOOHH! Ron and Jeff got wet!

Great Britain is one of few places in the world where you can shower on a flume ride. :}

I can almost hear the Flume's jazzy jive theme music!

Our final Alton Towers attraction? The dryer!

The last fight in the Alton Towers war is forcing yourself to leave at some point. 

I'd say we thoroughly took down this massive park! 

And so completes our thrilling battles with Alton Towers! What an incredible park!

We hated to say goodbye to Alton Towers, but we were also pretty darn excited about our next park. Stay tuned.

:}