Knoebels: My Bloated Coaster Con XXXVI Road Trip Report - Part XII

Let's be real, here. 

Coaster enthusiasts can't agree on anything. We couldn't agree on something if our lives depended on it. Everyone has their favorite this, that, and the other thing. 

HOWEVER.

There is this *one* magical place. 

A place where all ACErs are in agreeance.

A place with great dark rides and every flavor of slushie imaginable.

A place in Elysburg, Pennsylvania.

I'm speaking, of course, about Knoebels Amusement Resort, North America's traditional amusement park salvation. 

I have never been to Knoebel's before today. Will the park live up to it's astronomical reputation? Let's find out!

.....and Knoebels is off to an amazing start.

Can I please buy one of these and use it to get around MTSU?

OMFG....it's.......THE SIGN. THE SIGN!!!!!!!!!

Standing in front of the Knoebels sign gave me some extra-manly coaster enthusiast tears. :'}

Hello Sleeping Beauty. Can I be your prince?

So Phoenix played with fire last night and got burned (ironic, isn't it?). I will be making my triumphant return in 2015 for my ride!

Superb Knoebels Snack Credit: The Patriot. We're talking about a Bomb-Pop-flavored slushie here. 

BLACK DIAMOND!

This 1960 Philadelphia Toboggan Company dark woodie is a triumphant culmination of historic amusement preservation and dark ride brilliance. Credit #51 of my Year of 100 New Coasters is the bomb-diggity. Seriously. 

Individualized ride tickets: Cutest damn thing ever committed to paper.

These cars are amazing. Again with the amazing ride vehicles, Knoebels.

Twister time!

The general consensus is that Twister plays 2nd fiddle to Phoenix, but not today! I really enjoyed the ride. Good air, well maintained, oddball layout. Great credit #52! 

This one is so much better than Twister II in Denver.

Looper: So damn fun AND a great upper body workout!

Very FAST Dumbo-type ride. Yes.

At the time of my trip, I hadn't heard many updates about Flying Turns. Much to my delight, there was tons of activity happening on the ride during my visit!

OH MY GOD. I'm star struck. *o*

Yes, it is time to meet THE Knoebels Flyers. As expected, every other flyer I've ever been on instantaneously became pure sh*t in my mind. I have reached Flyer nirvana. 

Snap City, chick! Snap snap city, chick!

Beauty is a flyer butt directly in your field of view. 

Other flyers I've been on feel like trying to steer a wooden box. These feel like box kites. 

This is what tree trimming should look like.

Did someone say TREE TRIMMING?!!? :D

Knoebel's gift shopping = bliss. 

I want to meet whoever designed these menu signs and personally squee at them. 

While we didn't ride this historic Cuddle-Up ride, we DID ride it at Canobie (and none of my pictures of it turned out). So here is Knoebel's!

It's like Knoebels knew that my Cuddle-Up pictures didn't come out, so they provided for me a Cuddle-Up of their own to take pictures of. :}

We've reached  the "crystal clear creek and Swiss cheese slide" portion of our tour. Is there any inch of this place that isn't dripping with awesome?

Ferris Wheel time!

Did I mention that their new drop tower is one of the best I've ever ridden? I'm sure that comes as a surprise to none of you at this point.

1001 Nights and Twister!

There was a time when I thought I lived in a 2-Scrambler kind of world. An Eli Bridge-and-Sizzler kind of World. Knoebels has shattered my perceptions with this make/model of Scrambler that I am totally unfamiliar with!

Next is the park's miniature train!

It gives a beautiful scenic view.

And a beautiful twister view!

Cute little locomotive on display.

Okay, y'all! Time for another right of passage!

As many of you know, I do not like bumper cars.

So imagine my surprise when I rode the Skooters and had a EFFING AMAZING TIME!

No sooner did I get in line for the Skooters did the sky rip open. Hail fell in profusion! There was also some pretty wild lightning.

Knoebels, being the BAMFs they are, didn't bat an eye & kept the Skooters open.

Christian in a Skooter! :}

The unusual combination of wild weather and exceptional bumper cars led to a circumstance that I never in my life thought I would find myself in:

A BUMPER CAR MARATHON!!!

And it was good. The Auto Skooter marathon was so good. The crowd was electric!

Speaking of electric, lightning struck the park at one point. Its proximity was so close that all I saw was a white flash & the subsequent power surge of the bumper cars as I was riding. Once again, the park was unconcerned. 

Then suddenly, as quickly as it came, the storm left & it was beautiful outside!

My first ride on a Roll-O-Plane! It was very fun. :)

I think I have now ridden all of the Eyerly Aircraft "O-Plane" rides:

-Rock-O-Plane

-Fly-O-Plane

-Loop-O-Plane

-Roll-O-Plane

Am I missing any? These rides are all awesome. Seriously. I wish there were more Fly-O-Planes around; I think the last ones are at Lake Winnie. Everyone! GO. Go to Lake Winnie and ride their Fly-O-Plane! There's a chance you'll die, but the ride is really cool.

"Ok, guys. If any of us ever get lost, meet a the giant loaf of bread."

Superb Knoebel's Snack Credit: Raspberry-Vanilla soft-serve with a Snyder's pretzel cone. OMFG is was glorious. 

HOLY SH*T. THEY HAVE FASCINATION HERE. *dies*

Fascination is something that I remember very fondly from the Santa Cruz Beach Boardwalk. I never played, but I'd always wanted to.

At this point, Tina and the Adams met up with us. Adam, though
skeptical, was quickly sucked into the Fascination frenzy!

"This is stupi.....WAIT! I almost had it! I need to play again."

So now, here I am. $10 worth of Fascination tokens and a realized dream!

Soon another Twister ride was in order!

Walking by Flying Turns, I got my first glimpse at the ride's rolling stock. What beautiful trains!

Next is the Log Flume! Try to guess how good the flume was:

A. Decent

B. Good

C. Effing Wonderful

Yes, the answer is C. This park just won't quit!

And we haven't even ridden their famous Haunted House yet!!

I am seriously loving everything about these ride vehicles. This ride. This park.

And of course they have a nauseatingly-cute kiddie area. 

You know what? I think I just need to start looking for apartments in the area. Idk what makes me think I'm going to want to go home at this point.

Everywhere you look it's like some kind of flawless amusement park manifestation taking place.

Kozmo's Kurves is a kiddie coaster with individual ratcheting lap bars.


Dear Every Amusement Park Ever:

DO THIS TO YOUR KIDDIE COASTERS. NOW.

Top-notch kiddie coaster credit #53.

If I were anywhere else, I'd be blown away by the cuteness of the boar hire underneath the kiddie coaster. But now I'm on that Knoebels high & everything that is flawless is simply meant to be.

AND they have a mountain Sky Ride.

View from the top!

Twister & the renowned Knoebels swimming hole!

This park has more trees surrounding any given trashcan than in all of Carowinds & the surrounding outlying area.

It's rare that I get to take an aerial photo of a Ferris Wheel.

Knoebels, is there anything you can't do?

Oh, and they have a miniature miniature train. That is, a train that is half the size of a typical half-sized amusement park train.

*vomits rainbows*

At this point, the Adams and Tina got their rides on Kozmo's Kurves! I took the opportunity to get some glamour shots.

Yes! Yes! That camera loves you, dah'lings!

 WORK IT, Adam! You are the sun and the camera revolves around YOU!

Oh yeah, and then there's their grand carousel.

*falls to knees and weeps with joy*

Smile, Adam! Here the carousel rings flow like wine!

Flawless hand-carved carousel: Check.

I caught eleven rings on our ride! I felt like a polygamist! 

Our carousel ride lead to a visit to the Carousel Museum.

Wow. This is some nice park merch!

You know what? Just take all of my damn money.

This is just effing marvelous. Forget the apartment. Can I just live here?

Knoebels has a stunning collection here.

Carousels: Not just for horses anymore!

Beautiful derby horse!

I need to take some of the joy that I feel in this moment and save it for days when I'm feeling like sh*t. I think I could be happy for the rest of my life.

It's a Flyer Family Photo!

It's nice to see tall diving boards in action in this day & age!

^_^

Time for another train ride! Tina had reached her picture limit for the trip, so she sent in her hand as a representative.

No, seriously. That's exactly what happened! lol

Yes, that is a dog in the other train. 

By this point in the trip, poor Christian had come down with some sort of ailment. Perhaps the flu. All I know is I ended up with strep shortly after this trip & zero sh*ts were given. Totally worth it. 

Cuteness train profile!

Yes, this is exactly as amazing as it sounds.

Well, that was.......wow. That was just straight-up magic. Amusement park magic. 

So yeah. Knoebels is exactly as good as everyone made it out to be. Just wow. I can't think of many other parks in the US that just nail it the way this place does. Knoebels, you are the Tradtional Park Kingdom Come.

Join Christian and me tomorrow for one last hurrah; a cool-down lap at Kings Island!