Botton's Pleasure Beach + Fantasy Island + Leeds + Lightwater Valley: My Smashing ACE UK Tour Trip Report - Part I

Look out your window.

Is it raining?

If so go GO OUT IN THE RAIN TO SET THE MOOD BECAUSE WE'RE GOING TO ENGLAND!

(and other places of comparable wetness) 

Welcome to My Smashing ACE UK Tour Trip Report! 

For the next three weeks, we'll be exploring quite the expanse of roller coaster-laden landscape! We're going to ride some of the most magnificent classic woodies and oddball steelies in the whole wide world! 

Are you excited? I'm excited. :}

Let's get this cheerio show on the road!

We'll be riding roller coasters in England, Ireland, Wales, and France on this adventure, but that's not where our adventure begins!

It actually begins in ICELAND! There's no roller coasters in Iceland, but there is cheap airfare to Europe! And XL seats for maximum leg room!! Let's fly! 

In-flight chocolate. Turns out that Icelandic chocolate is pretty darn good.

The licorice bar was literally the best chocolate bar I've ever had. 

Flying to Iceland from Boston proved to be quite the spectacle.

I've never been much for snow, so I've never really made a point of visiting places with icebergs and frozen mountains. This was my first time seeing such a vast array of frozen things! :}

It kind of looks like constellations to me. Do you see it?

The beauty comes to a screeching halt when you make landfall on Iceland.

It sort of looks like a golf course after days and days of rain.

It's 5am, but the GIFT SHOP IS OPEN! 

Bubble gum flavored sour fizzle bottles to get me the rest of the way to England.

Great. We're here. Now what?

Yeah, so London is musty and dank. No surprises there. 

Inside King's Cross Station, however, things are quite bright and spry!

London is full of old-meets-new. :}

As if a trans-Atlantic flight wasn't enough, it's time to hop a few trains to our first roller coaster spot! Any guesses where?

It's Skegness!

The parks of Skegness were not included on the ACE UK Tour, so my buddy CoasterKev (lead organizer for the tour) and I decided to hit these and a few other parks beforehand. :}

Skegness is a charming seaside town full of arcades, casinos, bowling alleys, curio stands, English breakfast purveyors, and more! 

Slot machines and arcade coin pushers are all under the same roof, but separated by strictly surveyed partitions.

Oh, and there's sugar here. LOTS of sugar.

Say hi CoasterKev! 

LOOK AT THIS LITTLE TEA CUP RIDE YOU GUYS!

OH MY GOD AND THIS CAROUSEL COIN PUSHER! I CAN'T EVEN! *_*

Oh, and here's our first park stop! It's Botton's Pleasure Beach! First we gotta check into our hotel, but we'll be back momentarily. 

Botton's is a small park, but they actually have four coasters!

There's so many coasters in Skegness that our hotel is named for them!

First up: Runaway Train!

We had only 45 minutes to nail all the credits, but fortunately the crowds were on our side!

Botton's biggest claim to fame is probably Queen Bee, which is the world's only SUSPENDED WACKY WORM!

Any coaster enthusiast can tell you that the Wacky Worms add up. There's 450+ of them worldwide, and once you've ridden about ten they start to all bleed together. 

For Wacky Worm enthusiasts like myself and Kevin, Queen Bee was a real treat!

INTO THE HIVE!

*THRILLOGRAPHY PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT*

Remember boys and girls ( + gender non-conformers), ALWAYS obey the loose article policies at amusement parks. Most parks in North America have strict loose article policies that prohibit photography on roller coasters and other thrill rides, but throughout Europe the policies vary. 

Several of the parks on this trip have limited or no loose article policies, at which point the use of cameras or other electronics on roller coasters and thrill rides becomes a matter of personal responsibility. Always take extra care of personal electronics when circumstances allow for their use.

DO NOT take pictures from roller coasters and then cry "but Thrillography does it!!" when a park tosses you into the parking lot for breaking policy. If you do this I will direct you to this paragraph and then sneak over to your residence late at night and release a swarm of carnivorous bees into your bedroom.

:}

Speaking of bees, let's get back to our ride on Queen Bee! Our ride turned out to be smoother and milder than any rides we've had on its various Wacky Worm counterparts. It's about as intense as a sky ride and all the better for it! 

Surprise, surprise! The world's only suspended Wacky Worm is just a few paces away from the classic. I guess that would make Botton's the only park with two Wacky Worms…? Quite the designation.

Queen Bee has her beehive, and this Wacky Worm has his Big Apple! (which, of course, is the other name for the production model, but I think "Wacky Worm" has more of a ring to it, don't you?) :}

Credit #4 is the park's only grown-up coaster, Rockin' Roller.

I don't have any pictures of it running because as soon as we finished our ride, they started shutting it down with a quickness. There were already tarps on the cars as we rolled into the station!

Botton's is also home to a surprisingly long and fairly spirited Ghost Train. It did not disappoint! :}

We hit all the coasters and the dark ride in half an hour! How about a ride on the Ferris Wheel?

This is about 60% of Botton's right here,

and here's the rest! Thanks for the credits, Botton's! 

After a night's sleep that felt entirely too short, we took a bus to part II of our Skegness adventure, Fantasy Island!

Fantasy Island is an amusement park and flea market surrounded by mobile homes. It's White Trash Heaven if ever there was such a place.

"Hey, Kevin. Ten bucks says that Jubilee Odyssey (that big red SLC-looking thing on the left) will be closed!"

"Why would you say that!?" Kevin exclaimed.

"Just trust me."

(I was right. More on that later.)

Fortunately for us, there's still a handful of open coasters and lots to see at Fantasy Island!

Well ok. Maybe not. 

Let's cross our fingers and hope that we get at least *one* credit today.

The rides weren't scheduled to open for another hour, which meant it was time to hit the flea market! Kevin found a hedgehog. :}

Jubilee Odyssey might be the tallest coaster in Skegness, but the one that warranted the trip for me is Fantasy Island's other custom Vekoma coaster, Millennium Coaster!

Built in 1999, Millennium Coaster is one of the last custom Vekoma loopers ever built. It encircles a majority of Fantasy Island and looms above many of its main corridors. 

The impressive but problematic Odyssey was built in 2002 following the success of Millennium. Unfortunately for Fantasy Island, the ride spent most of its first year closed due to mechanical issues and high winds. 

Fantasy Island reprofiled Odyssey at the end of 2002, lowering several of its elements to help keep the train from valleying. While this helped ensure the train's return to the station, it only enhanced the ride's roughness, and its mechanical struggles continue to this day. 

Yep. Definitely no giant SLC abomination for us today. Kind of a shame to miss such an odd coaster, but based on Jubilee's reception I get the impression that we didn't miss out on anything particularly remarkable or pleasant. 

Notice how Millennium Coaster has a transfer switch to a train bay that doesn't exist.

Because that's just the kind of park this is.

Arrow and Vekoma custom loopers are a guilty pleasure of mine. Many are great, several are terrible, but all of them intrigue me. As Ninja's (SFOG) only fan, I was quite excited for its impressive British counterpart. 

I'll go ahead and say that Millennium Coaster was completely worth the trip to Fantasy Island. It's long, fast and smooth; three qualities you almost never find in conjunction when regarding similar coasters.

We opted out of wristbands at Fantasy Island since there was no guarantee that we'd get on even half of their coasters. £3.50 a pop isn't bad considering what a nice ride ride Millennium is, but we ended up only riding it once. 

In retrospect I probably should've ridden again, but by the time we had the rest of the park squared away I wasn't feeling up to it. Looking forward to riding again some day when I come back for Jubilee Odyssey! ;}

Coming in for a landing!

Hooray for the first of several Vekoma loopers on this trip!

EXTREME MILLENNIUM COASTER STATION POV!

In addition to the massive Vekomas and spinning mouse, a particularly spirited powered mine train and custom log flume call Fantasy Island home.

"Rhombus's Rocket" was built by a British manufacturer called WGH Transportation. We'll be riding half of WGH's coasters on this trip! :D

But first! Log flume time!

XTREME SKEGNESS LOG FLUME POV WETNESS

Here comes the drop!

Now it's time for Rhombus's Rocket!

And we're off!

XTREME RHOMBUS'S ROCKET POV WITH BONUS TOP SCAN.

Like Millennium Coaster, Rocket hovers over various parts of Fantasy Island's midways. 

Say Cheese! :D

:P

The ride's actually pretty long, and they send you around twice!

"Rhombus's Rocket is a really good value!" :}

One final pass under the log flume! 

As the day went on, weather conditions got progressively more blue. That means it's time to run around Fantasy Island and photograph Millennium Coaster!

Of course, with crowds as light as they were, there was no telling when the next Millennium train would come. Three minutes? Ten minutes? Who knows!

Here's a general idea of what you're dealing with at Fantasy Island. You can see Crazy Mouse (also called "Fantasy Mouse") crammed in near the top. Hopefully it will open up!

(spoiler: it does)

Odyssey, on the other hand, wouldn't reopen for another week. Womp womp. 

It's got a nice looking first drop and a BIG first loop, but after that it's pretty much your garden variety SLC antics. 

To the left of Jubilee Odyssey's mess of track is this charming kiddie area.

BIIIG LOOP

(photobombed by another big loop!)

You always know when a train is coming because of that classic, loud-ass Vekoma lift hill. 

Among the countless curious curios for sale at Fantasy Island are these cute little roller coaster-type-toys. :}

I noticed while walking beneath Odyssey that the corkscrew at its end is rather elongated. Makes me wonder if it was done this way because it's actually comfortable, or if because they just needed to stretch across the market. lol

They really let Vekoma run wild in this park.

There's a lovely sort of surrealism that comes with shopping a flea market blanketed with roller coasters. :}

Hey look! Millennium actually sent a train!

Here's a pair of track shots that *would've* had trains in them if I had a half an hour to spend on getting three photos.

Who needs trains when you got dat primary color symphony, tho?

I saved next passing train for the ever-valuable perspective shot. :}

And, in an effort to keep the train from going to waste, I got a passable shot of it drifting out of the helix. lol

This shot doesn't need a train, so that makes things easier. :}

And, because this is England, the clouds rolled in just in time for the last train shot I had actually had the patience to wait for. That's a wrap!

Central to Fantasy Island is a large steel pyramid full of rides, which operates year-round along with the flea market. Sponsored by Coca Cola, I assume. :}

Fantasy Mouse is open! Hooray!

There are nice views of the expanse from up here.

The trick to taking pictures from a Wild Mouse is getting the shot before it gut-checks you around a turn.

I'm on a roll with photography from rides today! :}

(But remember my PSA!)

(Don't get all inspired and try to Instagram from Millennium Force! I'm serious about the bees!!!)

Our final order of business at Fantasy Island is to explore the pyramid.

The park's last credit, "Jellikins Coaster," is about as cute as it is frustrating.

Jellikins Coaster has a strict "no adults" policy. They won't even let parents ride with their kids, let alone desperate credit-hungry coaster enthusiasts.

It's just as well, since I probably can't even fit my left ass cheek into one of those cars. 

Look! We found the Kentucky Derby all the way in England!

(Yes, the game was actually called "Kentucky Derby.")

As the pyramid unfolds before you, you get the sneaking suspicion that maybe it's bigger on the inside…?

And suddenly: a water slide!

A rather large water slide, actually.

And…wow! This is an impressive balloon ride!

Yep. Definitely bigger on the inside. Obviously the work of a time lord.

Back outside, it's time to head off to our next adventure. Bye bye Fantasy Island!

Rode a roofless bus back to the hotel. Was not disappointed.

Also, 1 in 5 people in the UK has crazy hair color. 

Across from Fantasy Island is an indoor water resort! Next time. ;}

Before we travel to our next destination, we need to make a stop at one of the area's £ stores! They work just like a dollar store, except…y'know…about 1.5x more expensive. :}

This be the land of delicious Haribo manifestation! 

Anyone in need of some Beefy Balls?

Ok! I'm ready to go!

(FYI the rice crackers were freaking amazing. They were everything I'd hoped for and more.)

BAM!

We're in Leeds now. Wasn't that quick? :}

Leeds is like a smaller London, but without all of the obnoxious hype.

We are here because of the city's proximity to tomorrow's amusement park. :}

Leeds, being the cosmopolitan and British-type-place that it is, is full of the cosmopolitain and British-type-things one might expect. :}

I can now say that we had way better weather here in Leeds than during any of the five or so days we had in the London area. Turns out sunshine can really make or break my desire to spend hours walking around town.

You might be wondering "How could you not be motivated to walk around London?? It's LONDON, dude!" 

I must confess that I'm not a typical city-goer. London and Paris are museum Meccas, and, call me childish, but a museum is not something I often wish to bide my time with. Couple that with the United Kingdom's discouraging regional cuisine (I will never be a beans-on-toast person) and gloomy-ass weather, and you've got…well… me feverishly running around to different theme parks while everyone else is in London at the Harry Potter exhibit or riding the Eye. 

I hope this doesn't change anything between us.

…

I NEVER SAID I WAS NORMAL, OK?! 

*runs away sobbing*

Anyways, back to bright and sunny Leeds!

(And for the record, I do go into London for an evening and do some things, but probably not the things you'd expect…more on that in the next update.)

Since the UK has virtually the worst local cuisine in all of the civilized world, all of my best meals on this trip ended up being Asian food.

Don't get me wrong; England is one of the best places in the world to eat.

Just…only if you're eating cuisine from other countries. 

Case in point: here at a shopping mall in the heart of Leeds I've found takoyaki (octopus fritters) at this conveyor sushi bar and it's effing delicious.

What England lacks in good national cuisine, it makes up for in attracting incredible cuisine from all over the world. Kind of like America, I guess. Never was much for apple pie either.

Goodnight, Leeds! Thanks for the great weather and delicious Japanese food!

…and good morning Mercedes-Benz! This is our rental car for the drive to Lightwater Valley!

Kevin's love for driving this incredible car far outweighed his anxiety about driving on the left side of the road. I gotta commend him for his amazing driving; I would've probably plowed into a tree on my way out of the car lot or something. 

I can't remember the name of this town at all, but gosh it's pretty. 

For me, this trip was never about London to begin with; it was about the United Kingdom as a whole, and about covering as much of it as possible. Sometimes it's easy to forget that

London =/= United Kingdom

and vice versa. 

And I mean who needs Big Ben when you've got this cute little thing right here at the traffic stop? :}

Yay! We made it!

Lightwater Valley was high on my list for two reasons:

1. Two very special steel coasters
2. One of only a handful of parks officially re-created in the original Roller Coaster Tycoon

(Remember "Katie's World?" This is it!)

Unfortunately for us, we were in for one hell of a crowded day. Even the ticket booths told us to turn back.

This was the one week out of the year during which Lightwater Valley offers discounted group rates to local schools. As a result, we were swiftly plunged into high school student armageddon. 

The day started out innocently enough...

…we made our way to the back of the park...

…and found our first target. It's The Ultimate! 

Things aren't too crazy busy…yet.

Staff are in place to monitor the queues for line cutting.

And now we wait. 

All in all, it took about 40 minutes to board Ultimate. Fortunately for me, this nearby Top Scan provided me with plenty of in-queue entertainment. :}

Believe it or not, I still have not ridden a Top Scan to this day. The stars just haven't been aligning for me in this respect, I guess. :P

I'm sorry, but tell me this doesn't look like something out of an Old Navy ad. 

Part of the reason I've never ridden a Top Scan is because I've seen maybe…like…one in the U.S. Canada's Wonderland may be my best bet at this point!

Hairography #1

Hairography #2

I'm about to show you how bad the crowds have gotten since we got in line for Ultimate. Brace yourselves.

Yeah.

At least it's almost time to ride!

Here we are on lift #1.

At 7442ft long, The Ultimate dethroned the Beast as the world's longest roller coaster when it opened in 1991. The ride held the title for the rest of the decade, at which point Steel Dragon's 8000ft+ of track brought the record to its current home, Japan's Nagashima Spa Land. :}

Heh. This girl didn't want her picture taken.

I think it's pretty cute that she thought I was taking a picture of her.

#girlplease 

The Ultimate was designed and built by British Rail and Lightwater Valley. It happens to feature the slowest lift hills imaginable. As a result, Ultimate may hold the record for longest ride duration of a coaster; the ride itself is literally a ten minute commitment.

*fast forward to lift #2*

The good news is the ride also features two 38-passengar trains, which helps keep lines moving, even on days like this. 

See lift #1 back there? The first half of the ride feels like a very speedy Arrow mine train; not particularly eventful, but follows the farmland's natural curves and makes for a nice scenic trip.

Here at the second lift, the ride turns the corner and dives into the forest. 

It is here in the forest that all hell breaks lose.

(for all you POV enthusiasts out there, this would be a great one to look up on YouTube)

Kiss your asses goodbye, kiddos! This is the point of no return!

*cue 60 seconds of ferocious laterals and a chorus of panicking high schoolers*

Bruised, battered, but ultimately riveted (hehe get it? Ultimately?), we popped over to our next coaster.

It's another strange and wonderful ride: an underground (not simply indoor, but completely subterranean) Schwarzkopf Wildcat themed to an uprising of velociraptors.

Things seemed totally mellow…got an ice cream for the wait...

…enjoyed the view of The Ultimate as we inched along...

About a half hour in, we realized we'd made a terrible mistake. This ride is literally the slowest loading coaster I have ever encountered, and here we are on high school armageddon day. We should've ridden this first, but we had no clue the line would be this bad.

So much psychological torture: all the high school kids, the tiny increments in which we moved, the ever-growing number of queue pass users, our limited timeframe, and the fact that separating us from the ride is literally a cage. It was brutal.

Two hours. We waited TWO HOURS for this ride. Soon we figured out why. 

Into the sewers we go!

When the coaster opened as "Rat Ride," the sewer thing made a bit more sense. Now that the ride is dinosaur themed, we're supposedly making our way down to an excavation site that just *happens* to look like a sewer.

And this tunnel is LONG! And about 5ft high. Quite the experience in and of itself.

And now we're going down a story! Where the heck is this coaster, exactly…?

Fossils. We must be getting close.

Hooray! We made it to the station!

(I know it doesn't look like much in the picture, but bear with me here.)

From here you can hear the classic Schwarzkopf rumblings of the ride, but there's still no visuals of the ride itself.

Aha! Now we're talking!

Every two minutes or so, a metal car of squealing teenagers comes barreling in around the corner and crashes into the brakes. 

We waited about five or six cycles in the station before our ride.

Here's the scoop: This ride has three, 4-passenger cars. Only one of them is allowed on the track at a time. One of them has its back row blocked off. So that's ten riders every 5-7 minutes.

Yeah. 

Oh well. Too late to complain about it now! We're here, we're queer, we rode the coaster, and honestly it was awesome. There were some great animatronics and it gave about the smoothest and fastest ride I've ever had on a Wildcat. 

Okay, time to resurface.

Definitely not something I was planning to wait two hours for, but a great ride nonetheless.

Back outside, crowds continued to look grim.

There was no guarantee that we would get our three remaining credits, but we were determined to get them or die trying.

Super not-in-America: this is actually the park's train crossing. 

Just like in Roller Coaster Tycoon, Lightwater Valley is full of grassy knolls between rides. 

You're never too old to enjoy Teacups. :}

The trip has barely started, but we're already onto our third Wacky Worm!

Fortunately for us credit whores, the kiddie coasters weren't quite as appealing to the high schoolers as the larger rides. 

This photo cracks me up. That girl's face next to Kevin...I don't even...

It's a good thing Ultimate is so long, because one ride will have to suffice for this trip! There's no time for another!

The park's Ladybird coaster is the first of several Tivoli coasters on the trip!

Have you ever noticed the kind of desperate facial expression of the ladybug coasters?

ALL OF THESE CHILDREN, MAN. THEY JUST CAME OUT OF NOWHERE AND ATTACKED. THE THINGS I'VE SEEN, MAN.

Too bad it's not one of the Tivolis with the mile-long trains; we'd be over and done with this credit in no time!

The volume of kids finally started to dwindle about four hours into our day. Unfortunately for us, we only had five hours total to work with!

I see you Top Scan, but now is not the time. We still have one more credit after Ladybird!

See that small castle-looking thing? Those are bathrooms.

Super not-in-America: getting to the men's room requires ascending a flight of stairs.

Delirious Tivoli selfie. It's too early in the trip to be this delirious, but the trip don't care. lol

In line for the spinning mouse, and what happens? It breaks down, of course. We've got a half hour left!

By the grace of God, the mouse re-opens and we get our fifth credit in five hours. Based on the way our day went, I thereafter declared the park "Plightwater Valley."

And that's a wrap! We need to leave now if we're going to have any hope of getting to our flight on time. 

After getting turned bass-ackwards in the Leeds airport parking lot trying to return the Benz, clambering our clueless American asses through security, and then scrambling to our gate like headless chickens with passports, we made it aboard our Aer Lingus commuter soup can to Dublin. Kevin took a nap while I talked a businessman's ear off for two straight hours about roller coasters. He was an enabler, I swear!

See you at Tayto Park!

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